Be honest—how many times have you done something just because it was the popular choice or because everyone else was doing it? How did you feel afterward? Maybe the first time, it felt normal or even okay. But in the long run, is it really helping you, or is it holding you back in major ways?
I want you to live a life you’re proud of—a life where you can look back and know you did what YOU truly wanted. So, let’s identify common times when we try to please others and how that could hurt us in the long run.
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As teenagers, now is the time to explore our interests and expose ourselves to new ideas. But how can we truly do that if we’re constantly seeking the approval of others? We can’t; which makes it much harder to figure out what we genuinely want in life.
According to the American Psychological Association, 65% of teens feel overwhelmed by clubs and commitments they never truly wanted to join in the first place. Imagine this: your group of friends have a few clubs they’re involved in, so you join just to stay included and avoid feeling left out. But at the same time, you have your own clubs and activities that actually interest you. How will that affect your life balance?
When it all becomes too much, you’ll eventually have to quit something. And chances are, the first thing to go will be an activity YOU actually cared about. It’s a losing battle.
There’s nothing wrong with joining a club just to spend time with friends—but balance is key. Be mindful of how much you take on, and prioritize yourself. Your interests, time, and well-being matter. You are important!
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Social Outings or Events
This is one of the easiest forms of people-pleasing to fall into because peer pressure can be hard to resist. No one wants to be the only person who’s too tired to go out or the one who isn’t actually having fun and just wants to go home.
We’re often told that we should want to “live it up,” socialize, party, and dance around; but that’s not for everyone. Some of us are introverts who force ourselves to be extroverts just to fit in. To be more “likable.” To have more friends.
But for those whose social batteries run out faster, this can be exhausting. It’s draining, and in a way, it’s like living a false life.
I want you to be free. To truly enjoy how you spend your time—doing what YOU love, not just what others expect or want from you.
According to the Journal of Adolescent Psychology, 68% of teens don’t suggest events they actually enjoy because they don’t want to disappoint others. But if you’d rather read a book or go to a bakery instead of a party; say so. If you need to study, say so.
You can’t live your life based on what others want. Doing so only holds you back from unlocking the joy, peace, and purpose that come from being true to yourself.
Relationships
Relationships of all kinds are difficult—now more than ever. With toxic friendships and relationships constantly pulling you in different directions, it’s easy to develop a dangerous habit: tolerating unhealthy behavior just to keep the peace. But putting up with toxic relationships as a teen can make it much harder to leave a more dangerous or volatile situation as an adult. People pleasing in relationships can also lead to regret and hurt now and in the future.
According to the Teen Relationship Health Study, 65% of teen people-pleasers have stayed in unhealthy relationships because they didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. People-pleasers are also twice as likely to attract controlling or manipulative partners because they struggle to assert themselves.
Do you know how dangerous that is? By constantly prioritizing someone else’s happiness over your own, you’re giving up your voice and self-worth. Is it really worth losing your dignity and peace for someone who, in reality, may not even truly care? No, it’s not.
Don’t sell yourself short in your relationships. Speak up. Set boundaries.
Healthy relationships—whether friendships, family, or romantic—are always two-sided. You deserve to be heard, valued, and respected.
School
Somehow, it has become “normal” to dumb yourself down to make others feel better or to fit in—and that is completely wrong. In the end, you only hurt yourself. Sacrificing your grades and the respect of your teachers just to avoid standing out means letting other teenagers decide how much of your intelligence you bring to the table.
If you know the answer, don’t be afraid to share it. Speaking up shows teachers that you’re dedicated, which can lead to strong recommendations, job opportunities, or even scholarships. You never know what doors could open until you stop letting others define your worth.
But this goes both ways. It has also become “normal” to be afraid to raise your hand when you don’t know something. This is wrong on so many levels. It doesn’t matter if people give you weird looks—if you don’t understand, ASK.
Not asking that one question could cost you major points on a quiz or test. Would you rather stare and a lower grade? Don’t live in regret when simply asking could have made a difference in your grade or life.
You come first—always.
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How to Rid Yourself of People Pleasing
This is a gradual thing that takes time, but my best advice is for you to look in the mirror and start loving what you see. Your opinion is the only opinion in this world that you can control. So start loving and putting yourself first in your life.
Prioritize what you like to do and start loving others more. Loving others is also telling the truth about how you really feel. Love comes in all different shapes and forms.
Don’t be the hypocrite that complains in the corner about someone judging them for being different or for standing up for what they want. Be the supportive person who is there for others and who doesn’t laugh or put others down when they pick the best option for them. We all judge others, some more outwardly than others, but we all do it.
Judging is a part of who we are, but it doesn’t have to be. We can avoid hurting others by not judging, and instead loving.
We tend to try and please others to avoid judgement from them. So we have to break the cycle and be the person we want other people to be to us. No judgement and no lies.
You are so special, confident, beautiful and smart. You just have to trust me and you need to let the world see the beautiful person that you are! You got this and I would love to hear how this helped you in your life!
