I’ll be honest, me and my calendar? We are in a pretty toxic relationship. I’ll spend hours setting it up and color code my week with workouts, study sessions and even the oddly unrealistic 6AM wake-up. It feels productive, until I have to actually follow it. I stare at my colorful calendar thinking, “Why did I do this to myself?"

And to make matters worse, my calendar starts sending reminders of the goals I was supposed to complete. Suddenly, the carefully curated calendar starts to feel less like a plan and more of a personal attack. It feels like I’m getting mocked by my calendar. And maybe it sounds silly, but at the moment, I genuinely feel my Google Calendar is gaslighting me.

But here's the thing, this isn't even about an app. This is about something we all have an even more toxic relationship with: productivity, time management and the idea that we're supposed to have everything together.

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Why We’re Obsessed with Productivity

So let’s address the big elephant in the room: productivity anxiety. It is this subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) pressure to always be productive and be doing something. You feel it after taking a break when you immediately start thinking if you should probably be studying right now. You feel it when you’re mindlessly scrolling on TikTok or Reels and see all of these influencers waking up at 5AM, journaling, working out, running businesses, making millions, and still manage to make aesthetic breakfast bowls.

We are surrounded now more than ever by the underlying narrative that if you aren’t always improving, you are falling behind. Calendars with their neat little boxes and color coding further feed our productivity obsession. They make us believe that if we just plan better, work harder at organizing, and get up earlier, we will finally be what?

Satisfied? Accomplished? At peace?

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When Productivity Becomes a Trap (and Calendars Stop Helping)

High school and college students are more prone to this productivity trap. It’s such a weird time in life; everyone claims we’re supposed to be “figuring out” what’s going on, while also doing everything. Good grades, internships, sports, social life, family responsibilities and you can’t forget to also be building your “personal brand” and meditating every day right?

To help us navigate the chaos, we look for tools like Google Calendar. And they do help, atleast initially. There’s a sense of power in organizing.

You suddenly have the ability to craft your own time. But then, slowly, the Google calendar starts taking over.

You now measure your days by events you attended and how many tasks you crossed off the list. If there’s a blank space in your calendar, it makes you feel like you’re lazy. Downtime becomes a guilt trip. If you forget to schedule your “passion project brainstorming session” or forgot to complete a workout, you spiral.

The calendar was designed to help us regain control. Instead, it becomes a judge of our “failures.”

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Structure can be beneficial. I’m not saying routine is bad. Having a routine can often alleviate your stress level and help you focus; it becomes problematic when we become over-identified with our routines.

Your calendar should be a tool to help you, not the other way around. When a color coded digital spreadsheet is determining your self-worth, that’s a problem. We start to subconsciously associate busyness with worth, and Productivity with value. Suddenly, “rest” is no longer truly rest but procrastination, and anything outside of that spreadsheet might as well not exist.

So, we schedule everything. Study blocks, Zoom calls, exercise and even your naptime gets its own color. In doing so, we draw out the spontaneity out of life, and forget the feeling of simply “existing”; not for productivity, not for efficiency but for the joy of simply “being”.

Nobody Has It All Together

Lets get something clear real quick: Nobody has it all together. Not the girl on Instagram who has the perfect planner. Not the straight A student with 4 internships. Not even the person writing this article (hi, I'm writing this in my mismatched pajamas at midnight with assignments I'm actively ignoring).

When we think of someone who completes every assignment, never forgets a task, and balances self-care, academics, work, and friendships seamlessly you are picturing someone who is curated. Someone who is unrealistic. And honestly, exhausting.

We keep chasing after this fictional version of ourselves that is "disciplined," "organized," and "thriving," but she only exists in our minds. You are not expected to be so perfect. In the real world, we are messy, we forget, we burnout, and that's okay.

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Why Rest Feels Wrong (But Isn’t)

In our society, the concept of "rest" is seen as something we have to earn, or at least that is how we have been taught to see it. And that is messed up.

You don't have to finish everything on your list to have a break. You don't have to accomplish something before you can or should rest. You are a human, not a robot. You do not derive your worth from your productivity.

But, choosing to take a nap instead of finish that essay feels illegal. Rescheduling the zoom meeting to just rest because you are mentally drained quickly feels wrong. Pushing back a deadline because you are burnt out somehow feels like you have failed.

It is just wild that doing the bare minimum to take care of ourselves feels like an act of rebellion. But maybe that rebellion is exactly what we need.

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Reclaiming Our Time (And Sanity)

So what's the plan? Are we going to throw our phones out the window and live without calendars? Probably not. But here is what we can do:

1. Intentionally schedule joy and rest.

Don’t wait for rest to happen, make time for it to happen. Block time out of your calendar to do nothing, guilt free! Take a nap, a walk, or mindlessly scroll; allow time for you to recharge. Treat that time the same way you would treat a class, deadline or meeting.

2. Redefine productivity.

Productivity is not just a checklist of which items you crossed off orbig things you accomplished. On hard days, getting out of bed is productive. Sending one text, brushing your hair, or making it through is productive. Listening to your body and giving it what it needs, whether that's movement or rest, is productive in its own right.

3. Allow yourself to miss things.

You are not obligated to say yes to everything. You are allowed to say no, change your mind on plans, or cancel when you need the space. You are not required to energetic, or extroverted, all the time. Protecting your peace is a way of showing up for yourself.

4. Check in with yourself - not just your planner.

We are often driven by schedules and lists that we forget the most basic question we should be asking ourselves: How am I, really? Before you dive into your next task, take a quick pause and reflect: Are you ok? What do you need right now—emotionally, mentally, physically?

5. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Not every day will be productive, enjoyable, or even manageable. But just because today wasn’t productive doesn’t make you lazy or weak, it makes you human. Plans will change, emotions will be messy.

But that doesn’t mean you’re failing (unless you’re not trying). Give yourself some grace, you’re doing the best you can!

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Mute the Calendar (Sometimes)

In the end, I don’t actually think Google Calendar is out to get us. But I do think we’ve given tools like it too much power. We've started allowing our calendars to define how successful, how disciplined or worthy we are.

So the next time you get that little notification to remind you of some goal you didn't hit, maybe just say, "Not today."Maybe just click "snooze." Or maybe you just close the laptop and take a nap instead.

Because sometimes the most productive thing you can do is nothing at all.