When I was younger, sitting in the back seat of my Dad’s car, I complained about school that day using profanity I learned from my classmates. Unknowing of its meaning, I blurted out the words “我操他妈的逼” (Chinese for “I f*cked his mother’s a*s”), the quick, succinct expression of expletives offering the eight-year-old the height of mental catharsis. I remember my Dad turning around, his face intertwined in both shock and perplexion.

His soft-parenting didn’t let him stop me or criticize me right away. Instead, he asked me: do you know what it means? I was hence introduced to the taboo topic of sexual relationships, in which by “f*cking someone’s mother,” you are insulting them in the most visceral way.

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The Power of Profanity

As one of the most highly-used profanities out of the many used today, this phrase is considered highly offensive for several reasons. Firstly, it derives power from the violation of many deep-seated cultural taboos, especially those related to sexual relationships, family, and bodily functions. The phrase aggressively combines sexual vulgarity with familial insult (“mother”) and explicit body parts, making it particularly inflammatory.

Secondly, it is an aggression toward the familial lineage—by attacking another’s mother and maternal connections, one is hurting the family's honor. The third aspect, and the one I am most intrigued by, is the involvement of sexual violence. In today’s society, sexual experiences seem not only to be a process for reproduction but also a form of violation and asserting control. In this phrase, it weaponizes sexual relationships. It no longer represents romantic intimacy but rather becomes an act of dominance and humiliation. Executing a sexual act upon one’s mother, a married figure with a partner she already pledged loyalty and fidelity to, is considered degrading, showcasing a severe violation of respect and morality.

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Why the Mother? The Role of Women and Gendered Insults

Many other explicit profanities carry similar weight, whether it’s “You are a son of a btch” or “Your mother is a whre.” After more than a decade of reflection, I have come to the conclusion in the form of a question: Why is it always the mother? Sexual relationships involve both genders. If both are involved, then why not the father?

In society’s portrayal, a woman’s sexual purity is tied to a man’s honor. Profanity takes this further, by turning it into rape-coded language, turning [censored] into an act of aggression. Targeting women, in many ways, is more socially and verbally potent than targeting men.

Sexual insults disproportionately target women because of how gender roles have framed sexual relationships. Women are often seen as the forced “receivers,” while men are framed as “active participants” and even the aggressors. Through their objectification, sexual act is often seen as something done to a woman rather than a mutually engaged act. Aligning with heteronormative power structures, male sexuality is seen as dominant, while female sexuality is viewed as passive and controllable. Mothers, especially, are perceived as symbols of family virtue—the white-dressed, big-bellied lady cooking family dinner by the stove before her husband hugs her from behind. When this image of purity and honor is destroyed, it carries much more emotional and social weight.

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Reflection on Gender and Language

As I reflect on my own experience, I can’t help but wonder how often we overlook the way language shapes our perceptions of gender. The use of sexual insults against women reveals more than just cultural taboos—it reflects the unequal power structures that have long governed our lives. Whether it’s in a moment of frustration or as a way to assert dominance, the language we use speaks volumes about the way we see each other, especially women. It’s time we recognize the deep-seated impact of these words and begin to dismantle the harmful ideas they perpetuate.