58… 58. That was all my brain could think of: not the countless nights I sacrificed my sleep, but my midterm exam score. What was wrong with me?

I studied for hours before the test. I sat there, crying under my hoodie while my friends celebrated their 90s.

“This is impossible… I’ve never gotten anything below an 85 on my exams… This is impossible.” Those are the exact words I said when I saw I got a 58 on my AP World History midterm exam. I could sit here and tell you how hard the test was, or say, “Well, the class average was a 53!” But that wouldn’t change the fact that it was all on me.

The mask I wore, pretending everything was fine, had a huge crack. Underneath, I was struggling. Deep inside, I was just a 15-year-old girl trying to be “perfect,” following random TikTok advice, wanting to be loved by everyone, and wanting to be the smartest person in my class. Balancing my life felt like the hardest thing ever.

After that day, I realized I wasn’t just stressed. I was someone who just wanted to fit in. I thought if I could just “fake it till I make it” and pretend I could handle everything, then my life would get easier. If I just kept getting good grades, always showed up for my friends, looked put together, and stayed positive, then I’d feel good enough.

But the truth is, a lot of teens go through this. It’s not just a phase. It’s something that needs more attention.

I’m not going to sit here and give you advice like, “just manage your time” or “just make a schedule.” Let’s be real, what does that even mean? Managing your time isn’t just about following a schedule. It’s about making choices. It’s knowing when to say no, even if you really want to say yes. It’s choosing what you need over what you want. Sometimes, it means picking sleep over studying.

Before my AP exam, my choice was between studying and sleeping. I wanted to keep studying because I thought the more I studied, the better I would do. But honestly, what I needed was sleep.

My brain was tired and my body was exhausted, but I ignored that because I thought pushing myself was the right thing. Maybe if I had chosen sleep, I would’ve been more rested and focused, and maybe I would’ve done better.

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I didn’t realize that taking care of myself could actually help more than just cramming more info into my head. Other times, it means taking a break after a long day, whether hanging out with friends or just chilling by myself. Time management and balance are hard to get right.

We’re all just trying to figure it out. But when it comes to making decisions, you have to pick what’s best for you in that moment.

So, how does all this connect to my AP exam? The night before, I spent hours talking about drama at school and stuff that wasn’t going to help me pass my exam. I should’ve set some boundaries, but I didn’t, and I still regret it.

But what I learned from that is that it’s okay not to be perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes teach you more than anything else could.

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Trying to live up to other people's expectations just makes you feel exhausted. You need to focus on what matters to you. I used to think I had to impress everyone, but now I know I don’t. I realized that my worth isn’t based on my test scores or what other people think of me.

Life is short, and we shouldn’t spend it stressing over things that don’t really matter. It’s time to start living for yourself, not trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. In a world with billions of people, and maybe even other life out there, what really matters? Living up to other people’s expectations or just being yourself?

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Focusing on who you are, what you want, and the people you surround yourself with is how you balance your life without losing who you are. My mask is gone now. I went from wearing a mask, pretending to be someone I wasn’t, to being someone I’m proud of and comfortable being.

I used to think that failing that test meant I failed as a person. But now I see it in a different way. That 58 actually taught me a lot, not just about school, but also about myself. It helped me realize what I needed to change and what really matters. And honestly, even though it made me cry, I’m kind of glad it happened.