As teenagers, friendships feel like the glue holding everything together—the group chats, the late-night phone calls, or even the spontaneous sleepovers. While some friendships erupt in drama, others end without any bang. They end in silence—no fallout, no confrontation. It is a slow fading until one day, you realize that the person who was once your everything, now…isn’t.

Cue:

The Silent Goodbye and Vanishing Acts

One day, I woke up with a burning idea in my head, but when I picked up my phone to text you, I hesitated, and—that moment was when I realized it.

The last few weeks, our meetings were fewer and farther in between, our texts more and more one-sided than normal, and our calls nonexistent. Was I just being oblivious? Did I do something? How did we get here so quietly, yet so suddenly?

It happens slowly. It is never one singular moment in isolation. There’ll never be that one big fight that ends it all.

Small things that you’ll never notice. Missing a few calls here and there—that’s fine though, they’re just busy. And maybe they are. But without realizing it, your priorities change until you aren’t each other's anymore.

And then it brings us to:

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The Weight of All That’s Left Unsaid

Even though most of the time the end of these friendships is never one person’s fault, the weight of never really knowing—and dissecting each and everything—weighs on you. Maybe I did say something. What if it was about that one little fight seven months ago? What if that other third friend said something?

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But in reality, it is usually just the course of life and has nothing to do with your words or actions directly. Some friendships are meant to last lifetimes and some just aren’t.

(I know friendships need work, but when they drift apart so quietly, they’re often beyond saving.)

When you accept that there wasn’t anything you did that caused it, you begin:

Mourning the Living

Mourning the end of friendships is a weird kind of sadness. The first person you texted “Good Morning” at 7 am before school and the last person, “I should probably sleep now” at 2 am, is now just…gone. They still exist, but the fact that it almost feels like they don’t want to be in your life makes it hurt more. (Maybe write a letter or make a video of yourself talking about this, it may help)

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Finding Beauty in the Bittersweet

Every time something like this has happened in life, it's come with its own sweet ends. In my hurt, I’ve discovered new things about myself—and other people. These bitter moments in life are turned sweet and you realize how the ends aren’t really ends and that there is some beauty in flowers even after they wilt away.

Living in the hurt is necessary, you need to feel the loss because, in some ways, it is like losing a part of yourself. However, after you accept it all, the beauty in life re-emerges and you start to move on. Think of the corals that form from the remains of dead organisms—the death of something leaves a larger beauty in the world and the same will be the impact of a fizzled friendship in your life. No matter how long a friendship is, it teaches you something.

It is much like mourning the dead and that is comical, but it is the same. Because to you, it feels the same.

So, the last step is simple:

Letting Go Silently, Too

When all is said and done, you can’t force friendships. Sometimes the timing just isn’t right. There is no point in holding on to the hurt of a fizzled friendship.

Instead, hold on to the happy memories, and try to let go of the sadness. Because again, there wasn’t really a reason for the end.

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Friendships sometimes end without words, it happens a lot, and it hurts a lot.

It happened to me when I was five—the first time that I can recall—and then again at seven, and then at twelve, fourteen, fifteen… but sometimes, it is for the better. And, you never know—maybe sometime, years later, you may just get a random follow request on Instagram when the time is right again.

I hope that if you ever go through losing friends, reading this helps in some way. And please give yourself time to cope.