Here are my late-night thoughts. Some I never hoped anyone would hear. Some I torment myself with when I cannot drift into the peace of sleep.

Some that shape my dreams into memories. Some that are honest curiosities that keep my mind running. No matter the subject, mood, or content, they all keep me awake and away from sleep.

I miss you...

I know we do not talk. I know you moved on and past me and the part I had in your life. But here I am, lying in my bed, peering out my window at the moon, and thinking of you.

You wanted me to be out of your thoughts, but you still crowd mine. I think about all the times we visited the creek outside your town. I think about the time you held me in your arms as tears rolled down my face. I think about how you so easily moved past this when I am stuck in the memories. I truly wish that I did not have to miss you the way I do.

I am alone...

I am all alone, and I might always be. Nobody gets me or even wants to try to know me. I am surrounded by people who have all found their group, their friends, their love, their family. I have no one—nobody but me.

I do not deserve love...

I do not deserve love. I am unworthy of that joy, that gift. Whenever I catch a glimpse of love, I crush it.

I cut the sprout before the flowers have a chance to grow. I ruin any chance of love I touch. I do not deserve that love. I am so imperfect, disastrous, unsightly, unimportant, and unloveable.

I wonder if he knows…

I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he knows how much I love him. He may not be aware of it, but he saved me.

I knew nothing of love before him, and now it flourishes through my heart. I knew nothing of joy before him, but now it is splattered across my face. I used to be stuck in a dark and endless tunnel, but he guided me to the exit. I am so grateful for him, and I wonder if he knows.

I am not enough...

I am not enough. No matter how much I try or how hard I work. Nothing I do will make me worthy of anything.

My good score on my test does not mean I deserve to be told, “Good job.” I did not do well. I merely did not do horribly, which is barely an accomplishment.

No matter the thoughts that run through my mind, I will always fall asleep eventually. Now I think it is finally time to sleep because I am ready to put these thoughts to rest.