With Valentine's Day around the corner, are you not sure if you guys are headed toward a relationship or if you are in a situationship? Here are eight signs you are actually in a situationship, along with some harsh truths to help you move on.

1. He does not make an effort to know you

This is the first red flag to watch out for and a pretty clear indicator that you are in a situationship. Google defines situationships as “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.” To get into a relationship, having a decent conversation, interest, and understanding of one another is crucial.

If you constantly love-bomb him, make him your top priority, and yet he doesn’t even know the name of your favorite show, what are you doing? All you have is a made-up version of him in your head. I understand—you want a relationship, or you want him specifically—but do you really want to always be the one making an effort? I would not call that the ideal relationship one sees in K-dramas or rom-coms.

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2. He is active online but does not respond to you until a certain time

It is the 21st century—of course, he has his phone by his side 24/7. Yes, he does get the notification that you texted him. He is not ignoring you because he is busy with the homework he has been procrastinating for a week; he is ignoring you because he is choosing not to respond.

It is not your job to impress him enough to get a reply with your stories or posts. It is not worth your energy or your time to anxiously wait for a notification on your phone, only to be disappointed when it is just a spam email alert.

3. He “schedules” your calls and ends them at a specific time

This one is a very obvious sign of a situationship. Let’s be real—if he tells you he will call you from 6-7 p.m., he is not the one. You are in a situationship.

The phone call should not be a checklist item on his agenda. What are you, a business meeting? Drop him.

4. You are the only one bringing the energy into the conversation

I want you to take out your phone, open up the chat, and see if the messages you have been giggling over were sent by you or him. If you are consistently the one making the messages fun and interesting, I am sorry to tell you that he could not be less intrigued.

And we all know the general excuse: “He is just a dry texter.” I assure you, he is not as dry in the group chat with his best friends, fangirling over his favorite football and basketball players. A way to check if he really is a dry texter or just trying to act cool is to take a step back. Don’t message him for a day or two.

Does he reach out to you? If not, you are probably not one of his top priorities—just a fun chat he has on the side. It is best to detach yourself from the situation and focus on yourself. The right person for you will not make you chase them consistently.

However, this does not mean that you shouldn’t take action toward the guy you find interesting. If you do make a move, you need to see if he reciprocates. A relationship can’t work if it is not mutual.

5. He hints that he is talking to other people

I remember talking with this one guy on the phone. He told me he found my DM interesting and that he gets a lot of messages from girls but usually does not reply to them, let alone call them.

Do you know what I did that night? I unfollowed him, removed him from my followers, and decided that I was never going to compliment a man again. (Just joking—not all of them are bad.)

The point is, you do not deserve to be a choice—you need to be the choice. You deserve a guy who wants to date you, not because he is looking for a relationship or holding an imaginary contest of which girl interests him the most.

It is very clear that you are in a situationship. And if he does choose you, congrats! You have your hands full of a toxic boyfriend for the next year who will drive you crazy with his inability to make you happy or feel appreciated!

Image: Horacio30 from Pixabay

6. He makes fun of your appearance (no, he is not teasing you)

Aww, the guy I’m talking to is so into me! He keeps making fun of my forehead, accent, and body hair!

Said no girl who got into a healthy relationship ever.

I am not saying he has to praise the ground you walk on immediately (that would be pretty weird), but do not tolerate disrespect from anybody, even if it is the boy you have had a crush on for several years.

No, him calling you fat or ugly is not okay. Yes, it might seem fun at first, but it will affect you mentally more than you realize. A man who wants a relationship will not constantly bully the girl he likes—he will tease her playfully and drop hints of admiration. The point is, he will not literally bully you.

7. He does not care about his appearance for your first meet-up

First impressions are important. If you guys are FaceTiming for the first time, he will not show up wearing a robe or pajamas. He will want to impress you.

If you are meeting up for the first time, he will put effort into how he dresses—maybe even ask his mother or sister if his shoes look good. The next time you go out with him, watch for the details.

Did he shave? Is his hair groomed? Does he have a decent outfit on? I‘m not talking about a $1,000 fit, but at least something presentable.

8. He follows a lot of girls and has a lot of girls commenting under his posts

Now, this one is tricky because it might not be a red flag. How can you tell if he is in another situationship with a girl he follows or who comments under his post?

If you do not go to his school or know his general circle, this will be difficult. If he is involved in an extracurricular activity and likes posts from girls in that group, it is nothing to worry about.

But if he has no direct contact with the girl and goes out of his way to engage with her, you are just a situationship.

Final Thoughts: Is he worth it?

I understand—realizing that a person you value and seek attention from does not feel the same way is hard. But ask yourself:

• Is this person worth my energy and time?
• Is there mutual interest, or am I the only one trying?
• Can I see this turning into a real relationship?
• Can I even imagine kissing them?

If your answer to these questions is no, then I’m sorry to break it to you, but you need to let go.

To see if this situationship has any real potential, step back. See if they will reach out.

For a situationship to develop into a relationship, both people need to have that goal in mind. And if he doesn’t—he’s not the one.