We've all been there—your friend says, "Wow, nice to have some free time," when you tell them that you can't help with their project. Your classmate responds, "No, I'm okay," and spends the rest of the day ignoring you. Maybe your sibling "forgets" to return something they borrowed after you reminded them a dozen times.

Welcome to the maddening world of passive aggressiveness, where people avoid conflict but somehow manage to make you guilty, annoyed, or straight-up confused. It's packaged in sarcasm, silence, or fake politeness, so you can't really call it out without being accused of being dramatic.

You might be wondering, “How should I deal with it?” Do you just ignore it, call them out, or shoot back with an even pettier comeback? (Spoiler: There’s a better option.)

What is Passive Aggressiveness?

Passive aggressiveness is basically when someone’s upset but too polite or petty to be able to say so. Rather than telling you they’re upset, they might pass a snide remark, give you the silent treatment, or "forget" to do something important. It's how they show they’re upset without saying it, which makes it a whole lot more confusing (and a whole lot more frustrating).

Here are some of the most common signs of you've probably seen:

• Backhanded compliments or sarcasm ("Oh wow, you actually got your homework in on time? That's new.")
• The silent treatment ("I'm not angry,” but they won't talk to you for the next two days.)
• Guilt-tripping ("I guess I'll just do it all myself. Like always.")
• Intentional procrastination (Taking forever to do something just to make a point.)
• Fake politeness (Saying "That's fine!" in a way that clearly says it's not fine.)

There are a lot of reasons why people act passively-aggressively. Some people are terrified of confrontation and use indirect behavior to express their feelings instead. Others might want to manipulate the situation or get sympathy without actually saying what is wrong. Whatever the reason, passive-aggressiveness is exhausting to deal with, especially when you have to try to guess what’s actually happening.

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How to Respond to Passive Aggressiveness

Passive-aggressive people can be exhausting, but instead of snapping back, here's how to stay calm and shut it down.

See It Without Losing It

The first step is to recognize passive-aggressive behavior for what it is. Instead of snapping back, recognize the game without playing it. Are they avoiding confrontation? Are they trying to guilt trip you?

Deal With It Head-On

Instead of playing along or simply ignoring it, confront the behavior in a neutral and non-confrontational way. If someone says, "Oh, I guess I'll just do it myself, like always," you can tell them, "You appear upset. Do you want to talk about it?" This will force them to either share their feelings with you or realize their approach isn't getting them anywhere.

Set Clear Boundaries

If someone’s constantly passive-aggressive towards you, you can say to them, "I'd rather you tell me straight if something is bothering you." Basically, you're letting them know that being weirdly vague isn't the way to solve their problems.

Don’t Engage in the Game

Passive-aggressive people usually thrive on getting a reaction. Fighting back with your own sarcasm only validates their actions. Rather than going for a sarcastic or annoyed retort, stay calm and speak clearly. Once they realize that their tactics won’t work on you, they're less likely to continue.

Encourage Open Communication

Some people are passive-aggressive because they don't do well with confrontation. If you can, create a space where they feel comfortable sharing their thoughts openly. Asking, "Is there something you want to say?" can encourage a more honest conversation and prevent their passive-aggressive behavior from spiraling.

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When to Walk Away

Sometimes, no matter how much effort you put into dealing with passive-aggressiveness, the other person just won't communicate openly. If you've talked to them about their behavior and set boundaries, but they continue to cross them with sarcasm, guilt-tripping, or the silent treatment, it might be time to walk away.

Some people thrive on passive-aggressiveness because it gives them a sense of control or lets them avoid accountability. If someone constantly makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells around them, drains your energy, or refuses to have actual conversations, it's not your job to fix them. You can't force someone to be direct if they don't want to be.

Instead of getting caught in the cycle of frustration, know when to walk away. This might mean distancing yourself or even cutting the person out entirely. Walking away isn’t giving up, it's choosing peace over pettiness. At the end of the day, the most effective way to deal with a person who won’t change is to just not give them the reaction they want.

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Own Your Peace

Passive-aggressiveness is frustrating because it creates tension but never resolves the actual issue. But instead of playing along, the best answer is patience, setting boundaries, and communication. Naming the behavior, calling it out (calmly), and choosing to not play games can shut it down before it turns into an even bigger issue.

In the end, you can't control what other people do, but you can decide not to babysit their bad behavior. Whether you deal with it yourself or let it go, the goal is the same: protect your peace. Just because someone throws shade doesn’t mean you have to stand in it.